Dissociation

A portion of an acrylic painting I did. Light turquoise, medium dusty blue, silver interact in an almost ethereal way.

Insurance doesn’t pay for vision therapy. And I couldn’t afford to go to vision therapy while also sending my son to visit on therapy. So, I stopped going to vision therapy when it was time to send my son. He is younger and I felt vision therapy could help him so much more than it’s been able to help my mid-life-self. I was right. it was the right thing to do. 

 Since stopping vision therapy, I am realizing I have started to go backwards. 

My eyes fatigue a lot. They are in pain a lot now. And I am finally admitting this to myself. 

Also, I am starting to dissociate again. Dissociating for me is when I float above my body. My mind is somewhere else entirely. I can be doing things and looking like I am interacting normally with whatever’s in front of me. It could be doing the dishes or driving my car on an extremely familiar route. 

I am just starting to admit this to myself - that I am starting to dissociate again. Time to get out the ankle weights, and do more difficult tasks that require focus, to keep me grounded.